Overwhelmed

I am on the brink of losing it. Since yesterday, I have been calming myself down, and trying to take things one at a time. Heck, even think things one at a time.

There are simply too many things to fret about.

First and foremost, the upcoming interview and written exam. (and before that, a meeting with Dr.Lim). My heart skips a beat whenever I thought of it. I know I'll have to prepare myself mentally, run through the questions and answers in my mind first, revise my Japanese for the written exam, get a smart interview suit, etc. But I just haven't start doing all these things. I don't even know where or when to start.

And then, there is the 2500-3000 word essay on Aum. The books which I borrowed from the library are collecting dust, and I have yet to read through them, and sieve out those which are useful to me. My thesis statement is not even formulated yet. I think I will need to get my thesis out, then I will feel better... I have this thing about writing essays, and it always makes me uneasy and stressed out. I keep thinking that I can never write good essays, no matter how early I start my research. And it gets on my nerves when I see people starting on their essays like less than a week before deadline, but still able to produce a grade A essay. This kind of negative thoughts always get to me, and even though I try to think positive and really enagage in my research and essay writing, I always feel inferior to others.

Besides that, there are two mid terms coming up next Monday, and I'm concurrently working on two projects. I have fallen behind on my gamelan readings for almost 3 weeks, and there's still a performance report which I have yet to start on.

School work + projects + tests + essays + interview - all in half-a-semester. I really really don't know how am I going to survive this semester. I can't picture it at all.