So.
I just got killed today.
All along, I thought I can write. I was proud of my ability to write. But I got heavily marked down for a term essay which I have spent a lot of time and effort on researching and writing. I got a B- and lots of negative comments. While some other people who just spend their last few days before the deadline to think of thesis, research and write got A-.
So I can't write. I realize I can't write at all. I thought I could, but actually I can't. So what if I spent effort thinking about something which I have great interest in? That doesnt count in my grades. Effort doesn't matter at all. That's what university education has taught me. Brains matter more. If you are smart, you score. If you don't, too bad. That's how life is, isn't it? I haven't been rewarded nor encouraged for being hardworking before. Grades are given not based on effort anyway, isn't it?
You may think I am being over-negative ( and probably sniggering at this statement because that's what you really think right now), but I am not. You think I am being over-negative because you havent been through what I am going through. I suppose some of you readers have no problems writing. And even if you do, it probably doesn't bother you because you are good in other areas. Me? I have nothing which I am good at. There's nothing which I am proud of besides writing. And that is already being taken away from me.
So stop telling me I am good at writing. Because I am not. And stop telling me grades don't matter. Because they do. At the end of the day, even if I thoroughly enjoyed my modules, but I don't get good enough grades, I still don't get good enough grades. Stop telling me that as long as I enjoy what I am studying, my grades will turn out fine, because they don't. It has been proven that effort and hard work don't equate to good grades. Perhaps you all need to persuade me to accept the fact that I am stupid instead of telling me that I can make it. Because I can't.
And so there. I am already dead. I am going to stop writing for awhile.
7 Comments:
Cheer up:)
I've learnt the exact same lesson while in uni.. it's been a struggle for me as well knowing that the people with the brains always have it easier.. i think what we have to understand is that even the profs can be subjective in their marking, they're humans too. i just learn and go on, and make sure i'll remember that prof forever. ;p
thanks jean...
who are you anonymous? please leave ur name...
Remember there was a period when I failed terribly for my written communication module? I also got killed then. Then did I know how much Grades(those alphabets) mean to me.
What is important is what you think and know about yourself, and not what others' comments add up to, no?
:) ~Sincerely *just to let you know that I care also :)*
oh gosh, you emailed me again!! no, I didn't leave down my comment over here because you wrote an email to me. I come because I come and I write because I write. Understand? Understood. yes, I just want you to know that. okay, I am now goin to read my love letter from you.
you're good at singing! I get marked down by my professor for tons of grammar mistakes. How about that? HELLO FROM OOOOOKLAAHHOOOMA!
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