The Sensitive Topic of.

Grades. CAP. Dean's List. Central Library. AS7. Lecture Notes. RBR. Readings. Consultations. Labs. Tutorials. Projects. Assignments. Honours. First class Honours.

And the list goes on. When I dreamt about coming to university, only the last one of the above list was on my mind. And the way to get it is one-way: Study what I am most interested in. As my life in NUS gradually unfolds, and now the 2nd semester is nearly ending, I realize it is not a one-way road at all. It never was. I was too naive. I lost track of 'interest' and in place of it, 'grades' and 'CAP' became the more important and attention-grabbing things.

Why? Why can't we just enjoy what we study, without the stress of having exams? Why do we need to compete neck-to-neck with so many other people who were much ahead of us in the race in the first place, and risk putting in all our effort yet still be at the bottom half of the Bell curve? Why there can't be more time for us to study 5 modules in detail and still have time to complete all projects, assignments, tutorials, to meet friends and go on dates, go for family gatherings and just enjoy the sunsets?

I have to say this, and I know a lot of us will agree with me. There's something undeniably wrong with the education system. Or rather, the way of life in Singapore. The pace is so fast that you only have time for one thing, and nothing else. If you are a student, you have to place 95% of your time on studies, and the rest of the more important things in life are allocated 5%. If you work, you have to work your life off, with minimal time to rest, relax and unwind. That's the way of living in Singapore. So don't blame us when you realize Singaporeans are apathetic, ignorant of social and political issues or are not risk-takers and prefer to be 'quitters'. If one day should I ever leave Singapore, I don't think I'm a quitter. I just got sick of 'Asia's city with the highest standard of Living". (FYI: Tokyo, Japan is 2nd.)

This might come as a surprise outburst to many. It is just something that has been in me for quite long. Latent and unobservable. But it shows in my everyday lamenting of the crowded MRTs, the tired and unfriendly faces I see everyday on the streets, and many many things I read, observe and infer. THE way of life is getting sickening. I am sorry.

Despite saying all these, I still have to return to the myopic me. I still have to do well for my exams. (which I have to admit I won't do well) I still have to worry that this semester's grades will pull down my grades. I still have to strive hard to get my Hons. I still have to slog my life off, and be desperate for whatever little time I can squeeze out for leisure. All because I still reside on this island. This suffocating island, no doubt with the security and peace every other neighbouring country is dying to have, but with the expense of my psychological health. Haha.

Laugh away. We are doomed.